The Puzzle Of My Life

14th May 2009

 

Sometimes it’s normal when people don’t know what they want, or what they need before they face the step that we called “making a decision”. But in other time, some people just don’t care of their decision in their life, which make their life seems useless. For me, I want my life to be perfect.

I already finish every single step that people take in education, and now it’s time for me to make my own destiny by making something- which i couldn’t figure  out even until this second-. What i’m doing right now is taking a vacation in canada. Before i made my self go here for a few reasons, i hoped that i could tell what i want after i got here. But, everything is still blurry. Everyday, i think…what should i do after i finish this holiday? am i going to work at Jakarta, where they pay their employee just like those beggers at the Dundas street that got 100 dollar for a month? it’s not that i don’t want to live and work there, but for 100 dollar a month, how can i afford my life? My effort is for something more than that! So, i talked to Adit, about moving here. Taking course, like business course or anything, find some part time job, live here happily ever after. But, the more i talked to him, the more my dream become vanished. And that fear…suddenly come to my heart and mind as well. Telling me, i have nothing to hope. Except moving here 6 years later.  I hate the feeling of my fear that ruin my main plan. Now, i have no idea what my life could be. For me, this is a new beginning of my life, and i only have about 9 weeks from now.

 

The fact, i think this in unnormal..this is so strange. People seems exactly know what they want to do. All i know is, i want to do something that i love, that i like..not some stupid job that i do just for living. I want to be free.. i want to be engange and connected with what i do, so i can done it with full passion..not persevering in the face of provocation without becoming annoyed. I can feel how exhausted i am thinking of my life.. I want to run..run…and run to the nearest of bliss and make everything peaceful when everyone pretending that everything is okay. I want to cry..and run my tears out until i feel empty inside..so new things can make me feel better at a time. 

 

So, i guess i have to pick up the pieces and start to figure (again) what the puzzle of my life is going to look like in the end…

 

 

Trias Nuriarta

 

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